Part Time Lover

I’ve hit a point where I don’t want anything full time.
Not my job, not the kids, not Evan, not my friends, none of it. 
I really think I”m a better part time lover. 
A multi-passionate wild heart. 

Like a bird mother flitting from the nest, back and forwards, doing the work but still always flying. 
Not a cat mother curled sleeping at home. 

I used to want all the things, all the time. 
All or nothing. 

Now I want space, to spread my wings further, to find an updraft that lifts me above normal. 
Time to get away and settle my soul. Time to exist outside of what’s known to the world as Meg. To find the narrow path. 

Maybe it’s because my kids are getting older and we find ourselves here in these wide open spaces but there’s something about feet on the ground, what everyone expects, full time normal that makes me feel a little ill. Well, a lot ill if truth be told. 

On the outside a lot of things about my life look standard, but I feel wild inside. 
You know that feeling?
Like a gypsy vagabond intent on gazing into crystal balls looking for the deeper meaning of life. 
A pilgrim in the world, always seeking progress. 

It doesn’t sit well with some people. This confession of mine.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll know how it feels.

Why do you need to do so many things?! Can’t you stick to one thing? 
Be content with what you have? When will you be settled and certain?

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m settled and certain. 
Certain of my calling, my ambition, my hopes. 
Settled in my ‘always' decisions, in my love for my family.
But I know there’s more. There’s always more. 

That niggle doesn’t go away when you’re purpose driven. 
Doesn’t leave when you know what you’re built for. 
It’s a yearning for more, for bigger, bolder, braver and extra. 

It’s time we stopped apologising for wanting more. 
Us bird mother, gypsy vagabond, wild hearts. 
Stopped apologising for expecting greatness and seeking meaning. 
Got used to the the fact that we are made to take the road less travelled. 
Made to explore our way through life. 

Because it’s not just about fulfilling something in ourselves. We know that. 
It’s because we don’t believe it’s ok for us, who have so much, to sit on our backsides and not follow purpose when there are people literally dying for the freedom we live in. 
We are made for purpose and freedom. 

Life is not just supposed to be get married, have kids, buy a house, retire and die. 
It’s more like, figure out how to love your divine design, then pass that love on to the world!
If we can do that of course it will spill over onto our family and friends as well.

We have to choose to live in our freedom. 
To be grateful that we have options. 
To write our reality. 
To design our multi-passionate lives.
To wake up and dream.

x
Meg

P.S - If you’re a wild heart, come explore with me. 
Starting Jan 1 is the next round of the Journaling Bootcamp. It’s 21 days of online content designed to help you kickstart a solid journaling practice for 2018. 
Learn how to process the deep heart things, find clarity on your PURPOSE, get ideas for moving forward into the year and discover FREEDOM to love who you are. 
www.megcowan.com/journaling-bootcamp