Bad Mum

Do you ever turn around and look back on your life with surprise, like, how did I end up here already?!

I have the kids on school holidays at the moment and we were doing a bit of reminiscing looking back on photos and videos of when they were younger. Back when they had gorgeous little baby voices, pudgy cheeks and fingers. 

Sometimes I think back on that time with regret that I wasn’t the mother I hoped I would be. 
I felt like my body constantly failed me and I couldn't give them what they deserved. 

But today when I looked at the video’s with them I saw something I hadn’t noticed before. 

I was engaged with them. 
Looking back I have wondered if I was quite detached. 
But I wasn’t. 

There’s a video my husband took of us all sliding down a grass hill on cardboard sleds. 
I remember how I couldn’t summon the energy to go that day. How I was exhausted. How I wasn’t sure I was a good mum.

Looking at the video I suddenly saw myself differently. 
Not perfect but I was there. 
Doing the stuff. 
Picking them up when they fell. 
Helping them. 
Teaching them.

Gosh. We’re so hard on ourselves sometimes aren’t we!. 
And isn't it all so much about the stories we tell ourselves?! 

So much of it is about what's actually happening vs what we perceive or translate about the situation. 

It's time for a little tender loving kindness to ourselves today I feel. 
How are you going to be nice to yourself today?