Muy Tranquila. Estoy Listo Para Mi.

I went to Spain last night.
Back to the cobbled streets, the chipping plaster, the flower pots in rusted paint tins outside doors with plastic hanging fly curtains. 
Back to the old ladies, dresses plucked from their prime, eyes bright with contented living. 
I wound through gravel roads, en bicicleta, fields of sunflowers with their head popping up, startled deer bolting on the path ahead of me
Drinking sangria I laughed full and hearty, my words confused and I was so happy about it. 

I woke with spanish words tumbling through my mind. Rolling, searching for meaning and context. 
Over and over a phrase ‘estoy listo para mi’ which I translate to ‘I am ready for me’ .

I am ready for me. It makes no sense. 
But I feel it in me. 
This sense that I am ready for who I am. 
I know what it feels like to rush, to push, to try to find me. 
To want an outcome and want it NOW. 

Always I come back to this. 
My wise dear old Spanish friend Beatorina saying to me as I rush back to work in the house. ‘eyy. Meg… muy tranquila’. 
Very calm. So I slow my heart. 

Those two foreign words have shaped me these last 2.5 years. 
No matter how much I am doing, how much I love the hustle, how much I want the result, how much I have things to do. 
My heart returns to those words. I don’t have to know the how or when. That’s not my job. 
My part is faith to see the goal, trust that I will find what I need along the way. 
I don’t have to get anywhere. I am already there inside me. 
Muy tranquila. Estoy listo para mi. 
Very Calm. I am ready for me. 

p.s - If you're stuck and need ideas for life. I'm your girl. 
www.megcowan.com/firecracker