Be Willing To Be Bigger

Tumbling out of my mouth, words lay like an oil slick over my beautiful space.
Peace laid to waste under the sludge that was my thinking.  
And like an oil spill it requires a special type of clean up. 
It’s messy and grimy and you wish you could wind back the clock. 

Today I was frustrated. In knots. I questioned everything. 
I made sure my man knew about it. 
A storm in a teacup but a storm none the less. 

It’s not pretty this growth business. 
The deep inner work that’s required to reshape yourself is uncomfortable. 
Usually it’s the people who love you the most that get front row seats to the carnage that is you in heart transition.

Sometimes I’d like to go back to being oblivious. 
Just trudging along with life, doing what everyone does. 
Not having to face what’s deep inside of me. 

But as my mother say’s - anybody can be ordinary.
Which I take to mean...
Lean into different. Be extra. Be more. Be willing to be bigger.

Which also means…
You’ll have to be messier. 
There’s not a path cut for how you need to live. 
The way you’re going hasn’t been travelled before. 
No one's ever taken your exact internal path, and that’s true for us all. 
Are you willing to shift things and make space for becoming something extraordinary? 

So today I took a good hard look at some things that need to adjust, in me. 
Things I need to work on to be the next level version of myself. 
Questions of worth, of service, of truth, of purpose. 

Not because I was navel gazing but because it became apparent I needed to up my game in some areas. 
This is where everything I’ve been creating comes home to roost. 
Can I rewrite this thinking?
Can I apply it in my own life?
Can I change and grow?
Can I lean in?

I choose to say yes. 
Yes to it all. 

… and I’m glad he still loves me after the dust settles.


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