Connection

There's more going on here than just struggling with your sex life. If you're under pressure, don't have time, or haven't been given the communication skills to talk about what really matters to you, this category will be showing up with a higher score. 

It’s frustrating right, because sex is not the only thing that needs attention.

Purity culture had a lot to say about what not to do with your body pre-marriage then told you it would all be great if you passed that line and you’d have a ‘blessed marriage’. It never set you up to know how to have healthy communication and connection in a relationship. It didn't take into consideration managing the stresses of life. The information about men's and women's needs was misinformed and unbalanced. So let's find out how to begin building real partnership and create connection. 

Small Shifts to Start With - IDENTIFY what areas are feeling the pinch. (communication, parenting etc)
- Find and implement one small thing together that would help you RELIEVE some of the pressure.  
- Notice and APPRECIATE ways that your partner shows up for you. 

And a practical exercise to help you on your way.

Begin building connection with your partner through this exercise of Sharing Appreciation. 

Set aside some dedicated time each day or week for this exercise. This can be done in the morning, before bed or any other time that works for both of you. 

1. Each take a turn sharing something you appreciate about the other person. This can be something big or small, something they did recently or something you've always admired. It's important to focus on non-sexual aspects of the relationship to begin and to express appreciation in a heartfelt and genuine way. For example, one partner might say "I appreciate the way you always listen to me and make me feel heard."

2. As you become more comfortable with the exercise, you can start to express appreciation for each other's physical appearance, but it's important to avoid objectifying the other person.

3. Your partner listens actively and thanks you for your appreciation.

4. Repeat the process until both of you have shared something you appreciate about each other.

It's important to note that coming out of purity culture may mean that you have a hard time expressing appreciation for each other's physical appearance or sharing about sexual desires so go gently. This exercise can help you to develop a new way of thinking and looking at your relationship and partner, focusing on positive aspects and building a new narrative together.

It takes time and commitment to heal, but struggling with connection in a long term relationship leads to resentment and frustration so don't ignore this area.

Where to from here?
I understand that this is an emotional journey and it's hard to walk alone. Through my courses and one on one coaching I've helped hundreds of people reconnect with their partners and live feeling free at the same time. 

If you're ready to deal with this issue of connection in your relationship, the best course for you is How to Want and Enjoy Sex More (without feeling pressure).
It's designed with purity culture survivors in mind, has audio lessons, practical exercises and more to help you with your relationship. 
Check it out!

Click on the other roadmap areas to find out more:
Desire / Confidence / Body / Theology