Your Results -  Explained

Desire

How much desire you have or don't have is not usually the key issue here. So long as there are no physical reasons for issues with libido, a high score here actually just means there's some learning needed to understand the body's dual control mechanism that drives desire and arousal. 

If you’re coming to bed late, dreading the hints, feeling like it’s just another thing on the ‘to do’ list, or alternatively feeling guilty for wanting sex more than your partner, your first step on this journey is understanding desire. 

But I get it that feeling mismatched here can make you feel really disconnected in the bedroom. And in turn that makes you worried about what it means for the rest of your relationship sometimes right?
Mismatched desire is actually totally normal but purity culture, with its emphasis on abstinence until marriage, can make us feel guilty or ashamed of our desires full stop. We were not supposed to allow our desire before marriage, then we're expected to put a ring on it and be totally in tune with our sexual side. That's just not how desire works!  We'll talk more about how you can create a healthy awareness of desire, in your emails.

My course on how to 'Want and Enjoy Sex More' (without feeling pressure) has a whole module dedicated to understanding desire. Check it out if you want even more support for this.

Confidence

Wouldn't it be nice to just enjoy being in your body instead of constantly comparing it or wishing it was something different?

There's no denying we live in a looks obsessed society which can lead you to always diving under the covers or have you reaching for the lights fast. It makes sense though that you're less likely to want to initiate or say yes when you're worried about how you'll look if you really give in to pleasure. 

Purity culture teaches us to police the body and how it appears. It’s also strongly connected to the diet culture obsession with the bodies appearance and such narrow views of what a good and presentable person should be like.

Time to rewrite the internal scripts that tell you your body should look and behave a certain way! We'll tackle that in the emails. 

Want to dive deeper right now? 'How to Want and Enjoy Sex More' covers more ways to build connection and safety in your relationship so that you can let that confidence come through!

Body

Bodies are complex and amazing and weird aye?!
This is a big category with many different things that could be at play. What they all have in common though is that if you scored high here, we need to check in and see if there are any physical reasons for what you're experiencing. 

If something causes you pain or discomfort, if there are changes in your hormones or medications, this is important information. It can feel like you’re fighting against your own body and that makes intimacy harder. 

The thing about purity culture is that we’re taught not to trust the body. When you’re taught to believe that the body and your feelings are secondary to the spirit you can find yourself ignoring real genuine physical complaints or contributing factors. Instead of working with your body, you’re frustrated with it or pushing through the signals it’s giving you. It’s time to pause and check in to see what your body really needs. We'll talk over email about some important actions to take for this area.

If you are struggling with pain and you think it's got something to do with purity culture, or you're not sure how to talk about your experience of sex with your partner the course on how to 'Want and Enjoy Sex More' (without feeling pressure) would be a great place to start. 

Connection

There's more going on here than just struggling with your sex life. If you're under pressure, don't have time, or haven't been given the communication skills to talk about what really matters to you, this category will be showing up with a higher score. 

It’s frustrating right, because sex is not the only thing that needs attention.

Purity culture had a lot to say about what not to do with your body pre-marriage then told you it would all be great if you passed that line and you’d have a ‘blessed marriage’. It never set you up to know how to have healthy communication and connection in a relationship. It didn't take into consideration managing the stresses of life. The information about men's and women's needs was misinformed and unbalanced. 
Focusing on building a healthy connection where you can speak up about what you need and desire is the focus for this area and I'll share one of my favourite ways to do this over email. 

Communication and Connection are a big part of what we cover inside the course on how to 'Want and Enjoy Sex More' (without feeling pressure). Check it out.

Theology

It's time to take a specific look at some of the internalised beliefs about sex, modesty and relationships if this one is a high score.

It plays out in the ways you automatically assign blame to yourself when something goes wrong in the bedroom or relationship. That feeling that if you’d done something better you wouldn’t be having this issue. 

Purity culture is riddled with harmful theology and so many of us built our lives around it. It can be a confusing and challenging time when you realise that your beliefs have not helped you with the reality of relationships and sexuality, and in fact have been harmful instead.

You might keep your faith, evolve it or move on completely but whichever way, it’s time to break up with the harmful beliefs of purity culture so let's talk more about that over email. 

Understanding where purity culture came from and how it's affecting you now is a big part of my course on how to 'Want and Enjoy Sex More' (without feeling pressure). Take a look.