Theology

It's time to counter what purity culture has passed on.

These internalised beliefs you've been given likely play out in the ways you automatically assign blame to yourself when something goes wrong in the bedroom or relationship. That feeling that if you’d done something better you wouldn’t be having this issue. 

Purity culture is riddled with harmful theology and so many of us built our lives around it. It can be a confusing and challenging time when you realise that your beliefs have not helped you with the reality of relationships and sexuality, and in fact have been harmful instead.

Figuring out what you believe instead of what purity culture taught can take some time so rather than try to figure it all out at once, we're going to focus today on values that are important to you, regardless of purity culture. Values that you CAN feel good about right now. 
It's important to give these attention and allow them to take up space in your body. 

Small Shifts to Start With. 
- IDENTIFY the old beliefs you're most aware of.
- Give yourself permission to PROCESS this over time. 
- CONNECT with the values you know are important to you now. 

And a practical exercise to help you on your way.
This is called value noticing:

1. Begin by writing a short list of values that feel important to you related to sexuality and relationships now. It could be things like autonomy, fun, consent, honesty or compassion.

2. Take a few deep breaths, set your list aside and close your eyes.

3. Bring to mind one specific value that feels really important to you right now. 

4. As you focus on this value, notice any positive sensations or feelings that arise in your body connected to this value. They may start small but pay attention to where you feel it in your body and what it feels like. Simply sit with that information in your body. 

5. You can either allow this feeling to gently grow to take up more space in your body with every inhale or repeat this exercise with another value that's important to you and notice that one.
   

This exercise is not designed to give you a whole new theological or ethical framework. It's to help you begin feeling safe with views that differ from the toxic teaching of purity culture. Finding safety for your questions after purity culture is really important. Regardless of what you've been told, your questions are beautiful and can lead you into growth and health. 

Continuing to hold on to theology that is harmful can directly lead to painful sex, unhealthy relational dynamics and unnecessary suffering. You're allowed to ask questions and let your views on sex and relationships change. 

Where to from here?
I understand that this is an emotional journey and it's hard to walk alone. Through my courses and one on one coaching I've helped hundreds of people evaluate how they feel about the theology of purity culture, find values that help them and then give themselves permission to really live FREE. 

If you're ready to deal with this issue of rethinking theology around sex and relationships, the best course for you is How to Want and Enjoy Sex More (without feeling pressure).
It's designed with purity culture survivors in mind, has audio lessons, practical exercises and more to help you with unpacking your theology. Check it out. 

Click on the other roadmap areas to find out more:
Desire / Confidence / Body / Connection